Once a month
by Patty Simmons
Summary: When Gaara changes into a blonde girl over night, Kankurou becomes quite attracted to Gaara's new physique. How will the brothers survive Gaara's girly changes without Temari? eventually KankuGaa


Hiya readers! The heck are ya? I'm just dandy!

If you get squeamish easily, I'd leave. And I update quickly, hell I'm writing down chapter three in a notebook already.

Kiss Kiss!

Also there is an OC in this, but he's just there…no romance with the OC's alright? And he's only their a few times really…

**Warning:** Yaoi, incest, and Gaara will a be OOC at times because hey you would to if you erm…_changed_ over night. But I keep him in character as much as possible! Don't like? DON'T READ BITCHES!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

(sorry to say, not much humor till the end of the chappie)

**Once a Month**

**Chapter one: Squishy Situations**

Gaara sat behind his desk listening to a customer drone on and on about her missing cat.

She spoke in a pompous dramatic tone. "My baby must absolutely starved right now. The poor thing hasn't bathed in two days! Whatever will she do all alone in this horrendous village? It's all so incredibly vulgar really. I do hope my darling is color blind because the whole 'Termite Mound' scheme you've got going on is completely dreadful. Why if I blah blah blah, blah blah blah!"

Gaara tried not to show how he couldn't give a crap about this woman's opinions. He had to stop himself from rolling his eyes numerous times and he attempted to keep his unemotional features from grimacing at the woman's hairy lip.

He always had customers like her wander into his office because they needed help with their gardening or their child had to be babysat.

Gaara knew that the sand genin were more capable than that. But as Kazekage he couldn't voice his uncaring teenage thoughts and say that half of the missions they got were like chores. Instead, he had to send a team of genin and their poor sensei to take care of the job.

He would always have to tend to every whiney customer who entered his office because they're too lazy to trim their hedges whether he liked it or not.

Gaara sighed and spoke unemotionally, "Mam, do you remember where your cat was when you last saw it? And please," He clenched his fist under the desk, but did not change his expression. "If you want to find Mupsey quicker you will give me a short, quick answer. Okay?"

Even though he told her to get to the point nicely, she felt the need to tell him about her entire day from seven o'clock that morning. The Kazekage felt his eyes drifting from the conversation, but he quickly shook it off and forced himself to listen. From what he gathered, Mupsey was probably about south east from his office.

The lonely woman got back onto the subject of termites eventually. Thankfully though, Gaara was saved by a team of genin and their sensei stopping in. The jonin rolled his eyes at the older woman when she began ranting to his team about her cat. He lit up a cigarette and told her not to worry. His team complained that they deserved a better mission and shrugged it off.

He replied, "Deal with it."

The Jonin approached the Kazekage's desk. "Kazekage-sama," he lowered his voice. "Has the old bat been driving you crazy?"

"No she's angel." He replied with once again, no emotion. "Jiro you had better find that cat…and soon."

Jiro took a puff of his cigarette and said reassuringly, "No worries, kazekage-sama. We'll have Mupsey back in no time."

Gaara frowned and glanced over at the children who cowered in fear as the woman shook her umbrella in their faces. Jiro gave him a 'thumbs up', but the Kazekage knew better than to trust him. Jiro had a tendency to slack off on missions.

"You'd better Jiro," he threatened. "You'd better."

**OAM**

About seven and a half hours later, Gaara had returned home to a sleeping puppet master. Kankurou was spread out on the couch snoring with Karasu at his feet. Gaara shook his head at the drool escaping his brother's mouth and his twitching now and then.

He strode over to his brother and smacked his shoulder. "Niisan," he said. "Niisan get up." The puppet master groaned and sat up.

He rubbed his eyes causing his face paint to smudge. "What?"

"Go cook," he commanded.

Kankurou blinked and replied slowly, "And why would I do this?"

He spoke monotonously, "Because I sent Temari away on a solo mission and you are the more feminine one. So give me food, I'm starving."

Gaara left the couch and began climbing the stair case. Kankurou frowned and shouted up to him. "How the hell am I more feminine than you Mr. Pale skinny and Dainty?"

Gaara sighed, and stopped walking. He leaned over the rail, "Because dear Niisan, you wear make up and play with dolls…and I'm the Kazekage. Now go."

The Jonin glared at his younger brother and headed towards the kitchen. "'Because you wear make up and I'm the Kazekage.'" He spoke mockingly under his breath. "Tsh, what a load of bull shit! Waking me up because he can't cook himself, what an ass hole. And Karasu isn't a doll, AND IT'S NOT MAKE UP! IT'S FACE PAINT!" he shouted the last part at the ceiling.

"FOOD NOW!" Gaara yelled back.

The Kazekage collapsed on his bed when he reached his room. He was wiped out even though it was only one in the morning. Since he didn't have Shukaku he made a point to sleep for at least three hours a night, and usually fell asleep around three AM. He wouldn't liked to sleep longer, but insomnia was a hard habit to break.

He frowned and shouted at his brother to hurry up with his food. His brother replied with, "I ONLY WALKED INTO THE KITCHEN TWO MINUTES AGO!"

"I don't care! Hurry up!"

Kankurou's voice was dripping with sarcasm, "Yes of course Kazekage-sama! Whatever you say."

The red head smiled to himself. Although he knew it was a bit mean to order people around the way he did, he found it quite enjoyable all the same.

Yes he changed for the better, but ordering around his family and the Jonin would never get old. Besides, he was only _really _bad to Kankurou, Baki, and Jiro sometimes.

He always enjoyed ordering around people who were somewhat attractive anyway. No he didn't find Baki attractive. That's gross.

Never in his wildest dreams would he _like_ Jiro( in any sense of the word. Gaara didn't find him sexy or beautiful, he was just _mildly _good looking.

Of course he would never tell anyone he liked men. No one in Suna would accept him even though he only recently discovered it. So he made sure to never show it in any way. Gaara had made him self seem as A-sexual as possible, and everyone bought it.

It wasn't killing him in anyway, nor was it on his mind often. In fact, he barely thought about it. It was just a secret right? Just another twisted thing about his personality. Who cares? So what…

"Outoto-san! I got your stupid food!"

**OAM**

Gaara woke up the next morning and did the universal yawn and stretch. '_Man' _he thought. _'Sleep is good.'_

Having thought this, the red head lay in his bed for a few more minutes. Then he forced himself to sit up and yawn again.

Climbing out of bed he accidentally slipped on the shirt he wore the day before causing him to slip, fall, and hit his head on the wooden floor.

After coming in contact with the ground, he groaned and rubbed his forehead. He concluded that no damage was done and he placed a hand on his chest, sighing in relief.

But something didn't _feel_ right.

The red head kept his hand on his chest and didn't feel his ribcage. Instead he felt something…squishy. He squeezed whatever was on his chest and jumped, realizing that it had nerves.

'_Strange…'_ he thought, still not looking down. _'They feel kind of like…'_

His widened in pure fear, _'Oh shit!'_ Immediately, he scrambled to his feet and raced towards his private bathroom. He stumbled into the sink and stared back at his reflection.

Gaara's mouth literally dropped to the ground as he starred at the hideous thing in the mirror. He waited three seconds, and a girlish shriek erupted in the back of his throat.

Kankurou heard the scream from the first floor and came bounding up stairs. The scream echoed from Gaara's room which confused the puppet master.

He had heard Gaara scream before, and it _certainly _sounded nothing like this. He threw open the bed room door and ran towards Gaara's bathroom. "Gaara!" he shouted. "What-"

But he never finished.

Kankurou stood gaping as he stared through the open bathroom door. He wasn't gaping at Gaara though. Instead, he saw a short, blonde, _topless, _chesty girl screaming into his brother's mirror.


End file.
